A Break Up

It's not you, it's me. Okay, let's not lie, it IS you. We're breaking up. For good! You're manipulative. You can't make me happy. And, well, it's just over.

Why is it so hard then? Why can't I take you off my mind? I miss you. But no, you have to go. Leave the death grip you have on me and go torment someone else. I swear, this time I'm moving on. Go on, now, GO!

And I left that sorry S.O.B. I finally broke off my relationship with Money.

You see, money and I have always had a very close bond. My parents instilled a strong sense of the value of a dollar. I ran with it and became immensely frugal. Extra chores for more cash to save. Predicted and actual Christmas spending logs at age twelve. Two jobs and $10K to show for it at the end of high school. I loved my dear, sweet Money. It's the one item I was comfortable hoarding. I didn't have to physically have it with me and gave it a proper home in a bank. I could continuously collect more and not lose physical space. It was a match made in heaven.

Or so I thought for the majority of my twenty-five years on this Earth. In this whole path towards a stronger sense of minimalism, my problem has never been the typical "I just can't get rid of my stuff!" That, for me, is my number one hobby. Seriously, I would go to sleepovers in elementary school and tell my friends that it would be fun to go through their rooms and reorganize and get rid of things. I'm sure you can imagine just how popular I was. Since the whole physical "stuff" was never an issue of mine, I quickly learned that all my baggage was mental. I reassessed how I spent my time, the people I had relationships with, and how I handled where my money went. This is when it got tough--the money. My hand gripped tighter on that visualized wad of savings. How could I give up my frugality? It's not to say that frugality is bad, but when you let Money rule your life and happiness, that's never good. I knew I had to loosen my grip.

In theory, it sounded easy. Just forget about the money and not focus on spending it or losing it or how much is still in savings. Just be happy that you can pay your bills and have a little saved up. That's all that matters. My brain disagreed with those statements. Ugh! I could've saved $1.47 by getting gas at Costco instead of Fry's! Those crackers were on sale at Whole Foods for $0.50 less a box! I just bought that shampoo, and now, there's a $2 off coupon! I couldn't help but obsess over those miniscule differences. I wanted to save it all! And do what with it? Just save it in that precious account watching the digits climb steadily. Hoard it forever. But the that Minimalist Voice that was growing stronger every day would not let Ol' Brain win this one. So the voice kept fighting. I donated items I might have sold. I tried to ignore all sales fliers. I tried to move on from a life where money was the main focus. Progress seemed steady, but it wasn't until this weekend where this new voice and state of mind was tested at full strength.

I had an item for sale on Ebay. A vintage, genuine python coat to be exact. My sister and I's inheritance from our deceased grandmother. A unique item that perfectly embodied my grandmother's spirit. Nostalgia faded quickly. Neither my sister nor I could fit into the coat properly. Oh yeah, and we live in a state that lives half the year in over a hundred degree weather. The need for a warm winter coat was negated. I contacted some re-sellers in our area to find that they wanted a BIG cut. Craig's List produced no hits. So, to Ebay it went. Well, I rarely do anything on there. I was an Ebay freshman. After sifting through the posting process, we waited and waited. Very few bids came in. We weren't too hopeful of meeting our minimum goal. With only ten hours left, we received an e-mail to pay us a certain amount. Granted, it was almost half of our "buy it now" price, but it met our minimum requirement. Back and forth my sister and I went. End it early? Take the gamble ad possibly get less? The sure thing it would be! We accepted the bidder's offer and ended the sale early. Apparently that was a huge mistake. I received e-mails from other bidders, well watchers at the time, of how they would have paid significantly more. My old money-lovin' brain was in a tizzy. It's not like we couldn't use the money. And the difference meant a few weeks more of grocery money. Fretting, I contacted the agreed upon buyer about the situation. Meanwhile, another possible bidder kept e-mailing, begging me to sell the coat to her. And the difference in tone between the winning bidder and the procrastinator bidder was drastic. In the end, I decided to take the significantly lower bid due to the kindness of the buyer.

Good Ol' Brain? She was hatin' on this decision. Minimalist Voice shut her the fudge up. Like for good. When I chose kindness and honesty over money, I won. I know Money's arms are long and strong. I have no doubt that Money will lure me back. But Minimalist Voice, she's a bitch. And she doesn't take no for an answer. Happiness is a much stronger motivator than money, so that will be a great addition in Minimalist Voice's arsenal.

Today, a win. Tomorrow, I expect Money to move on taking Ol' Brain with him. And if you meet Money or he has already graced your life, tell him to keep moving. It's truly the only way we can move toward better lives.

So, what's your relationship like with Money? Do you squeeze every penny or let those pennies go faster than a hummingbird's wings? Or are you balanced--keep Money in your life, but don't love or hate him, just letting him be? Let's talk!