Support Rewiring

                         

Brains. Those tricky S.O.B's. They are a requirement for life. They control all of our bodily functions. Often times, they are our best friends. However, just as frequently as they befriend us, they also become our worst enemy. Interconnected neural pathways are so minute yet intensely significant. A Utopian molecular world or War of the Synapses? What happens when those connections and pathways are broken or dead end or lead to the wrong places? Mental chaos.

Truth be told, almost 100% of humankind will experience some form of mental chaos in their lifetime. Grief. Loss. Anxiety. Depression. Fears. Phobias. Delusions. All are set to destroy at various points. Some may have more intense bouts with the bearers of chaos. Others may get off easily with a small blip of "the crazies." Any way you slice it, though, we are all bound to reach a breaking point where we need help. What's a person to do?

As a Psychology major, I am ready with my arsenal of therapeutic suggestions. However, what it comes down to is support. Support from yourself, friends, family, therapists, doctors, or groups. Just take it from which ever source is willing able to truly give you the type you need. To make it easier, I've added a few suggestions below on how to obtain and give support. Why? Shouldn't it be an obvious thing? If you need help, just ask? Well, yes and no. When most people are going through rough times, it's hard to ask for help and often embarrassing. Asking for help often leads to a person wondering why the help is needed which then in turn forces the asking party to admit to their inadequacy. For example, I'm currently struggling with orthorexia and emetophobia. I got so desperate I almost went on reality TV to get help. When it set in that I could find support sans cameras, I quit. Is it embarrassing to admit these issues to all of you right now? Absolutely. But I often find that honesty leads to support. I hope I can inspire those of you traversing the rough neural seas to get the support and help  that is right for you. Mainly, my goal is to show the majority of you amidst calm waters what you can do to support those who are bracing their personal hurricane.

For the rough seas crowd:

-Get over the embarrassment. Of all people, I truly understand how hard it is to tell people what's truly up. However, people tend to be much more empathetic if they understand you're suffering from depression and aren't just mad or grumpy or avoiding everyone for no reason. It can also be extremely cathartic to say, "This is what I'm going through. Take it or leave it." It leaves you less vulnerable and more readily available to heal.

-Don't live by the label. When we're given a diagnosis, its easy to become the walking stereotype of such a label. This sets back the healing process as you are just trying to live up what you believe you are. That label you are given is not permanent. It's only when you buy into it that it does become permanent. A complete self-fulfilling prophecy. Understand the label and what makes you fall into that category in order to better understand yourself, but never allow the monster attached to said label take over.

-Know what or who is helpful. Once you fend off the embarrassment and open up, the flood gate of supporters awaits you. However, not all supporters will give you what you need. Look to yourself and figure out what exactly you are looking for in terms of help. Do you need a third party's perspective? Do you just need a hug rather than listening to everyone's stories in a support group? Once you understand what type of support you're more inclined to accept, it makes the healing process that much easier as you can seek out exactly what you need.

-Understand you may not know. Remember how I said look to the support you know you'll listen to? It's quite true. However, you also need to be open to the possibility that other forms of support may aid in your recovery. Be open to other possibilities. You can always try one and turn it down if it doesn't help. Yet you may just find that someone or something was extremely helpful that initially seemed pointless. Be open to other possibilities.

For those in calmer waters:

-Don't assume. Frequently, we just assume that people are fine because we don't hear from them or they don't say anything. Worse yet, we may assume people are mad at us or we did something wrong when a close friend becomes distant. When we assume we know what another is experiencing, we often find we are dead wrong. If you're concerned, ask. Ask politely, though, because as stated above, these situations tend to be extremely embarrassing for the person experiencing them; thus quickly opening up may not happen. Give it some time and know you did the right thing by asking over assuming.

-Listen non-judgmentally. This is probably the biggest point. It's easy to listen. It's massively hard to do so without imposing judgments. If a friend comes to you to say she's experiencing agoraphobia, stop the immediate judgments of things like, "Really?! Just walk outside the front door!" Remember that your friends and relatives are trying to rewire their brain. Think how long it would take to rewire an entire house. These issues are not just like turning on a light switch. When you realize this, listening openly and being empathetic is much easier.

-Be patient. Just like I said in the last point, rewiring is a long, tedious process. To outsiders, it seems like progress should be easy and fast. It's easy to think that way when your house is perfectly wired. Try and put yourself in their shoes. If your house needed a complete rewiring, I'm sure you'd beg others for patience as they sit in your candle-lit house for dinner because the overhead light's wiring is frayed. Giving people the time to heal with no time stipulations can be one of the hugest forms of support.

-Know you may not be the answer. Everyone knows what works for them and what doesn't. The same goes for support. Unfortunately, you may just not have the answer for your best friend in her time of need. Instead of trying to become what she needs, give her space to find what will work. A dear friend of mine lost her mother over a year ago. I desperately wanted to be there for her. However, I knew I just couldn't provide her the true support she needed, so I backed off. Offer support, but never be angry or upset if the person graciously declines. Giving the other space is still being supportive even if it's not your idea of what support looks like. Your relationship will only grow because you backed off.

And those are my quickie suggestions. I hope you can find value in it no matter which ocean you're on. Am I forgetting anything? Which ones have you tried? What worked for you? Let's share and support each other!


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