Curbing the Inner B!

                                          

I have this problem. I am inherent B. Okay, okay, I guess I should rephrase that to say I'm an inherent rebellious individualist who turns that quality into what most would consider a "Super B (itch)," to quote The Hubs. This fact may or may not be apparent when we first meet. However, put me in a group, and you'll notice Super B rear her ugly head the instant someone suggests an idea like matching shirts. A twitch of the eye. A clenched jaw. A woman dying to blurt out, "Oh please, for the love of everything that is holy. NO!!" The worst of it is that this quality is so innate, it has taken me over twenty-five years to discover. Let's delve into some examples, so you get a better understanding of what I'm dealing with.

I'm unsure of when the rebellious individualist developed. I was known by my parents to be a handful from a very young age. Extremely stubborn. A mind of her own at three. Fighting the establishment that is bed time since birth. Yet, I can remember many circumstances through the elementary school years when I was quite compliant in group settings. I complied in Girl Scouts. I rooted for my gymnastics team. I touted the idea that my school was the best. But then middle school came around and Super B decided to completely take over and come to the forefront of my being. I became anti-everything. Everyone who listened to NSYNC. Lame. Everyone with school or team spirit. Lemmings. Everyone who watched Oprah. Losers. I was such a peach. You should have seen me in cheer- a sport where the athletes are known for and expected to have immense spirit. I was the Daria of our cheer squad. By the end of middle school, I definitely had my reputation--the girl who hated everything and was ready to tell you why the popular things you were into were dumb. JNCO's, crazy socks, borrowing my brother's (much too big)  ska shirts, wearing twenty sparkly bracelets and one very worn pair of Van's daily...now that was cool.

High school started, and I realized this overt individualism didn't cut it. I changed clothes. Started to attend football games. Attended a different club every day of the week. I started to fit into the "one of us" category. However, I still had my loud voice, which frequently spouted off anti-everything ideas. Rebellion still kicked in at times, and even though I participated, I did so begrudgingly. Next was college where I regained the Super B mode. I was in college to become educated and learn, so you can imagine my thoughts on all of my peers who really didn't share my mentality on academics. No parties or drinking or tail gating. Just focusing on my classes and gaining as much experience as possible to up my chances of graduate school admission. Well, if you know my story, you know a certain child surprisingly thwarted my graduate school dreams and what I had spent many years working my tail off for. These were great conditions for Super B to grow to Godzilla-like proportions. Enter motherhood. I wasn't going to be that mom. Onesies. Cutesy talk. Fancy baby gear. Cartoonish decor. I detested and fought against everything "baby." Again, I was such a peach in mom's groups.

Life happened. I kept wondering why I just couldn't make many friends? I was giving. I was nice. I was helpful. But I never really got "it" --this hidden tidbit that was keeping me from experiencing friendships and community. Then I started this blog, desperate for human interaction and connections. I explored my love for minimalism. My house was looking sparse and fantastic. I moved on to my mental clutter. Bam! The discovery of the Super B. My clear, thinking, rational self decided to butt in for a second, just long enough to make such a life-altering discovery. Once my alter-ego was uncovered, I knew something had to be done. But what? How do you change something that comes so naturally and has lived with you your entire life?

Conscious thinking. It sounds easy. Really, it's quite difficult, especially for an impulsive person like me. Acting before fully thinking is eerily natural to me. Thinking before I act is almost a form of torture. But it works. Super B is shrinking. I'm able to be in group settings without wanting to make a complete U-turn and avoid anything that may appear "popular." I'm accepting people more despite what I may initially think of their past-times. It's amazing how a simple act of analyzing your actions can completely change how you view people.

But why am I writing this, you ask? Not for the "look what I can do" factor. Or the "minimalism is the answer" suggestion. Rather, I am trying to lead by example that the traits we believe to be inherent and as much a part of us as our eye color or height, are malleable. I'm not going to lie. It's not easy. You will slip up. But change is completely possible. Maybe, like me, minimalism will lead you to that change. Maybe it will be a flying two-legged alligator. Whatever the case may be, find what works for you.

So what is your version of the Super B? Do you feel everyone has an inherent trait that leads to their demise? If you've changed a personality trait, how did you do it? Let's share. I promise not to call anyone lame. Super B's at bay...well at least most of the time.


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